That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.
I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from
When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them.
You can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
Grief feels so strange. It comes in waves, sometimes gentle, sometimes crashing over you. And in between, there is a kind of numb feeling, where you just wait for the next wave.
Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love.