To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.
Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment.
I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it.
Dora can marry anyone she likes when she’s old enough, and I can say with absolute certainty that it won’t be anyone at this table.
When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
Well, well, well," said Aitch Dee, his arms folded across his chest."Well, well, well, well," replied Pavel, not to be out welled.
I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.""You look fine. The wet look works for you."I scowled. "Now I know you're lying.
There's really no better way to tszuj up your life in moments of dire need other than, maybe, Vyvanse. Or cocaine. Or a molly. Or whatever.
He told me that if you yelled out "JAMBA!" at full volume, all the employees would yell back "JUICE!" He lied.
I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it.
- Do you ever work? Or do you just walk office to office, soliciting blowjobs?- I work occasionally. It's just that the BJs are much more exciting.
Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry," Archer offered.
Wow! I hate you already.”“Give it time.” Kelsinger said slapping him on the back. “For most that eventually fades to a sense of mild exasperation.
...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more.
