Quotes by Eoin Colfer

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty...

“ Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss? “

-Eoin Colfer-

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

Look! said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, someone who cares!

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Foaly. Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: Everyone in the building.

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

Who are you talking to, McGuire? Because you couldn't be talking to me. Not in that tone.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Artemis stepped into his mother's embrace. It was warm and strong. She was wearing perfume. He felt like the boy he was.

Ambition had a price, and that price was friendship.

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

I don’t like lollipops

Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts.

this was business.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

Introducing Eoin Colfer